


New York's Hottest Club is: Consent

by Baddreambaby97



Category: Saturday Night Live, Saturday Night Live RPF, Weekend Update (SNL)
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Clubbing, Drug Use, Halloween, Happy Ending, M/M, OMC is a dick, Protective Seth Meyers, Seth is reluctantly in love with Stefon, Stefon is in love with Seth Meyers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:00:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27277627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baddreambaby97/pseuds/Baddreambaby97
Summary: When Stefon invites Seth out for a night of Halloween shenanigans, the Late Night host gets more than he bargained for when he has to step in and keep his favourite club kid safe.
Relationships: Seth Meyers/Stefon, Stefon/OMC
Comments: 7
Kudos: 90





	New York's Hottest Club is: Consent

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Attempted non con and drug use. Heed the warnings, but its also fluffy and the boys must be protected at all costs.

“Come on, Seth Meyers; you have to go out somewhere for Halloween! I know WESH is having a costume contest. Oh, and Push is having its annual Prick-or-Treat show; maybe that would awaken something in you...OH, and Gizblow offered to dance in the cage this year, and he…”

Why had Seth offered Stefon to be on his Late show? Don’t misunderstand; Seth cared a great deal for the tweaked out twink, but having him as an actual guest with free reign was exhausting. He watched as the younger man’s eyes darted around, searching for his next words, biting at his fingernails nervously. Stefon always talked about the various club owners and hottest spots, but Seth couldn’t help but wonder if Stefon had any REAL friends; sure he hung out with Derek Zoolander from time to time and had that, um, lawyer friend of his; but why was he so hell-bent on getting Seth to come out with him. 

“Well, actually Stefon, I was planning on having a pretty low-key Halloween; maybe just mix up a tiny bit of cider and whiskey and watch Charlie Brown, y’know? 

“I mean, we might run into Harley Brown; he’s always offering to give me a ride on his motor-vehicle…”

“I really appreciate the offer, buddy…”

“What are you going to dress up as, Seth Meyers?”

“Well, I’ll probably be wearing my pajamas all night, soooo..”

“I’m gonna be a cat,” Stefon’s voice dropped an octave on ‘cat,’ and Seth could only imagine what that was supposed to mean. “I would show you guys but the tail might be a little hard to stick in on TV.” There it is. “You would look nice in puppy ears, Seth.” Seth hated how responsive the audience had been to this bit the entire time; he needed a drink by the end.

“Well, that’s all the time we have. How about a big round of applause for my special guest Stefon! Stay safe out there, folks!”

\-------------------------------------

“Is Seth Meyers sure he doesn’t want to join Stefon tonight,” he offered again later in the dressing room as he gathered his complimentary fruit basket and glittery pink backpack.  
“Sorry Stefon, I’m just so exhausted. We will do a rain check, I promise,” Stefon nodded, biting at his lip and waving a sad good night. Seth sighed and plopped down into his own chair, gathering his belongings as well and getting ready to go home for the night. He could hear the subtle trickle of rain outside; boy, that hot cider was going to feel great by the time he arrived at his apartment. 

It was especially hard around this season to have to think about Stefon’s personal life; even now, he was sure the man was walking straight to the club in the rain. He acknowledged Stefon’s comments about living in a dumpster, but had heard through the grapevine that he actually had a decent studio apartment. Stefon had thanked him multiple times for letting him come on the show and make a buck or two. He should have invited Stefon to hang out with him at least once, given that he was always turning down his latest club invitation. 

And then there was the topic of the clubs Stefon frequented: the thought of someone who had an almost childlike sense in normal conversation hanging out with the people he had always brought up on Weekend Update. Not to mention the unwanted feeling he’d gotten when Stefon had planted on him on live television. No, he wouldn’t let himself get protective instincts over Stefon; he wasn’t going to think about all the fun Stefon was going to have with Black George Washington. No, he had to resist the urge. He was going to go home and do exactly what he had planned on: he was going to drink his cider...and then put on a costume and track down his favorite city correspondent..damn it. 

An hour and a half later and Seth had finished his mostly-Fireball cup of Apple Cider and was now dawning a simple black cape and some fake vampire fangs: the classics never go out of style, right? He scrolled down through his contacts, finding City Correspondent (to maintain a professional relationship in his mind) and shot a text.

Seth: Hey, what club are you at right now?

A few minutes passed of Seth pacing in front of his apartment building before his phone dinged.

C.C.: Hi Seth Meyers :)

Seth: Hello Stefon. I asked what club you were at. Might join you for just a little bit.

C.C.: YAY! You can hang out with my and my new friend Richard; he has pointy shoes on and is calling himself Dickabod Crane.

Seth: That’s...lovely Stefon. WHAT CLUB ARE YOU AT?

C.C.: Yes yes yes. We are at Wack-O-Lantern.

Seth: What is Wack-O-Lantern?

C.C.: According to Google reviews, it’s a lawsuit waiting to happen :) can’t wait to see you Seth. 

Oh, what was he getting himself into. Unfortunately, he was now going to have Wack-O-Lantern in his Google history. He found the location and decided to walk, finding it surprisingly close to where he lived his normal, everyday life. Even with the always-present roar of New York City, he could hear the distinctly spooky music a block away. 

When he arrived, he was greeted at the door by what he could only assume was one of the ever-interesting Hobo-Cops that Stefon always mentions. Apparently they are very hard to work with and tend to jump clubs every couple of days...why did he remember so much of this information. 

“What’s the password, Count,” the Hobo-Cop asked. Seth had a moment of panic. Oh God, what’s the password?

“Um, I wasn’t told about that...my friend Stefon invited me here.”

“Stefon!? Why didn’t you just say so.”

“Oh nice, do you two know each other.”

“Yeah, he snorted coke off of my gun once,” Seth chuckled nervously, walking passed him and into the club. I’m in way over my head, he thought. 

The club was...busy. And loud. Lights flew around and Seth felt like Alice in Wonderland. Maybe this was what clubs just looked like nowadays; he hadn’t actually been to one in so long. He needed to find Stefon, that would make him feel more relaxed. He wasn’t sure how he felt knowing just HOW popular Stefon was with this crowd. He thought back to how anxious Stefon always was right before a show: how his hands would shake and he would have to take deep breaths just to smile on camera. Sure, Stefon had lots of crazy stories to tell. Really though, Stefon was also incredibly shy for how open he was. Seth hated to acknowledge just how cute he thought it was: sometimes he would put a gentle hand on Stefon’s shoulder and tell him he was going to do just fine. Seth smiled a bit to himself as he continued to search for his friend. 

While Seth was reminiscing in his own head, he accidentally bumped into a rather large man with a greasy mustache who was wearing what looked like a large petticoat. The man cursed under his breath, looking down at the drink he’d spilled on himself. 

“Oh shit, I’m sorry,” Seth looked around for something to dab the man’s coat with. 

“No no man, it’s all good,” the other man chuckled. “I didn’t even like this stupid coat anyway.”

“No, no, it’s a great coat.. Hey, I’m looking for my friend. He told me he was at this clu-”

“SETH MEYERS,” Stefon stumbled over, hanging himself off of the man in the petticoat. 

“Oh…” something in the man’s face changed. “So you’re Seth Meyers, huh? Stefon talks about you quite a lot.” 

“Yeah, it comes with the territory I guess,” Seth laughed nervously. 

“Seth, this is Richard,” Stefon bit his lip and looked at Seth, he was clearly on the brink of being very intoxicated, very high, or both. “He’s Dickabod Crane,” Stefon grinned. 

“Tell him what you are, babe,” Richard smirked back at Stefon. 

“I’ma kiddy cat.”

“Yes you are.”

Seth was starting to feel like the third wheel of the conversation; maybe he should just have stayed home. 

“I’m gunna go get an’uder drink,” Stefon booped Richard on the nose. “Do you want anything Sethy?”

“No thanks, I just got o-”

“Okie, stay right here; don’t go anywhere!”

Seth watched as Stefon struggled over to the bar, saying hello to a few people on his way. Seth sighed.

“You’re free to stick around with us, I suppose. I don’t usually do this sort of thing, but I guess I’ll try anything once.”

“What?”

“Come on, he clearly has a thing for you. I’ve heard he’s a pretty good lay,” Richard looked back at the man holding himself up on the bar and licked his lips. “We’ll take turns, what do you say.”

“Whoa whoa, that’s not why I’m here; Stefon told me there was, like, a costume contest or something. I’m really just here to humor him, we’re just friends. Besides, he’s pretty far gone, isn’t he?” 

“Have it your way, man..”

Stefon came back with what looked like the sweetest cocktail Seth had ever seen. Stefon saw him again and lit up like he’d forgotten Seth was there. “You look so handsome in that cape, Seth Meyers.”

Richard was grabbing Stefon’s arm gently and trying to lead him over to talk to another group, but Stefon was glued to the spot.

“Are you gonna do the contest, Seth? I don’t think I’m gonna enter; Black George Washington has won ever since Hamilton came out. Also, he’s, like, JACKED,” Stefon brought his hand up to move the hair out of his face. “You’d like him; he’s into journalism too..”

“Okay Steffy, why don’t we go talk to your best friend Joel at the bar,” Richard pulled Stefon away with him. Stefon pouted back at Seth, but went along with his ‘date.’ Seth waved, looking down into his own drink. 

Seth had wanted to leave after his first drink, he really had. However, twenty minutes later and he couldn’t help the feeling in his stomach after watching Richard grope at his occasional coworker. This was not Seth’s scene, Seth was barely comfortable being here; how was he going to step in and get Stefon away from that creep. He thought back to all the laughs he and Stefon had shared; about when Stefon had kissed him and lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. 

“Shit,” Seth went back to the bar for a second. “I’ll take a bloody mary. Joel, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, aren’t you Seth Myers!?”

“Oh, um, yeah that’s me.”

“Stefon talks about you all the time,” Joel chuckled and poured the drink. “You’re a lucky guy.”

“What do you mean?”

“I used to have a real thing for him; he’s a good kid, he needs a nice guy like you. This scene isn’t the nicest all the time.”

“Wasn’t he just up here; did you see where he went?”

Joel shook his head, “I think he walked off with Dickless Richard; that guys a slimeball.”

Seth quickly grabbed his drink and thanked Joel; searching the floor. The least he was going to do was get Stefon home safely. He saw a small doorway in the corner with a sign that said PRIVATE ROOMS on it and cursed to himself. Seth stood in front of the door for a good while before going in; what greeted him was a long straight red hallway with doors at both sides. There were so many...and so many sounds coming from them. This REALLY wasn’t Seth’s scene. Stefon, Stefon, Stefon where are you? 

\-------------------------------

“Mmmmm...my head feels funny,” Stefon groaned up at Richard, smiling. “I think that last drink really did me in..”

“That means it’s working,” Richard crawled over him, adjusting the pillow under Stefon’s head and kissing at his neck.

“I’m starting to feel a little..bleh...I want to go see Seth. I i’vited him here and-”

“Stop thinking about Seth, baby,” Richard grabbed Stefon’s legs and started taking his pants off. 

“N-no..I dun wanna..” Stefon weakly pushed at Richard’s chest, to no avail. “I w-wan Seth..”

“Shhhhhh,” Richard grabbed Stefon’s shoulders roughly and flipped him over.

A knock on the door and there was a hand over Stefon’s mouth. “Yeah, what do you want?”

“Richard, don’t make me break this door down.” It’s Seth, Stefon started to struggle up against the greaseball on top of him. He felt all the strength slowly leaving his body. That asshole must have put something in..his..dri….Stefon’s mind went blank as he lost consciousness. 

\------------------------------

When Stefon’s eyes opened again, he was being carried down the street. “wh-what ..?”

“Oh thank God you’re awake; we’re almost to my place,” Seth hoisted him up to get a better grip on him; Stefon wasn’t a small man by any means; Seth thought of those instances where women were able to lift entire cars to save their babies. He might have felt that way about Stefon. Professionally, of course. 

“Mmmmm, Seth Meyers,” Stefon purred sleepily. 

“No. You’re gonna sleep in my bed, and I’m going to take the couch.”

“Wha’ happened to Richard?” 

“Let’s just say I wasn’t planning on punching another human being in the nose as hard as I could tonight, but someone just had to invite me to New York’s Hottest Halloween Club.”

“Mmmmmm… thanks for saving me, Seth Meyers,” Stefon snuggled underneath Seth’s chin and fell back asleep in his arms, feeling safer than he ever had before.

**Author's Note:**

> I love talking about these boys; feel free to leave a comment :) Also, highly considering an epilogue or second chapter.
> 
> Currently struggling; if you enjoyed the story, consider buying me a coffee:https://ko-fi.com/baddreambaby.
> 
> Lots of Love <3


End file.
